Update

I'm now about 9 weeks out from my mastectomy, and doing well.

They have removed my last two tubes, and finished expanding my chest.  My incisions have healed and  look good.  In all honesty, I still hate looking at the scars across my breasts.  Frankly, it took me two weeks after the surgery before I could make myself look at them.  I guess I was afraid of what I might see.  One thing I can say, is they are perky and hard as rocks.  Half of that is nice and the second half is painful.

I've been a little tired, and little light headed, but I'm doing better everyday. Some of it maybe due to my red blood count being low, which just takes time to build up, overall I'm improving.   So grateful that I have the strength to help the kids and lighten the load a bit for Keith.  

My hair is growing back, slowly but surely.  I have a solid boy haircut right now. Thanks to a few good friends it's no longer gray but a lovely shade of brown.

As I think back over the past few weeks, one of the greatest blessing that have come to our family through this experience, has been the opportunity for me and my kids to get to know my family and friends better.   The kids really enjoyed having my sister-in-law Lanae, my niece, Breea, and my best and oldest friend, Jenny out for these last few weeks of recovery.  And I was really glad they were here to help and allow me to heal completely.

Last week I started back up with the maintenance chemo of herceptin.  It doesn't make me sick and my hair can continue to grow.

Next week I have a needle biopsy on my thyroid to see what's the story is with that little tumor.  Mostly likely it's nothing and can be treated easily.

I go in September to replace the expanders with silicone implants, which will be one of the last steps.

We're doing great and grateful for all the love and support.  

The Big Show

Monday May 19th, the day before my mastectomy, I was so glad to have the opportunity to spend the day with a good friend, talking, laughing and crying about our family, children and life and NOT CANCER, like normal girlfriends do.  
I came home to a clean house, bathed and put to bed the kids, and sat down with Keith to talk about all the things that needed to be done, but will have to wait.
All but one, I needed to have a blessing before this next step.
We called a friend to come over, he and Keith gave me a Priesthood blessing.  I've had a number of Priesthood blessings given to me through this journey, each one has given me comfort and understanding to handle the next challenge I had to face.
But for this next step I needed strength.
I have begun to feel too weak to handle one more thing, almost to the point of stopping, giving up, or even thinking I might not make it.  Reason, science, and Keith would tell me that things will get better.  But it seems like just when I'd start to get better, I'd get hit by one more illness.  So choosing to go in for a major surgery that will leave me weak again, seemed too much for this little girl.
The next morning when Keith and I were waiting in pre-op for the surgeons to make arrangements, I thought of all the painful, dark, long days I had endured, and I found strength in knowing that I can do 6 more weeks.  I had to remind myself, I can do hard things.
Once again, the surgeon, the plastic surgeon, the Anesthesiologist and the nurses all come in to mark up my chest and prepare Keith and I for the surgery.
They were all wonderful and next thing I knew I was out!
The surgery took a little longer than they had expected, it was almost 7 hours, so they didn't finish until after 6:00 p.m. As one of the doctors later told me, "You were up for the Big Show, and came through with flying colors!"  They told Keith that everything went well.  I had a complete mastectomy on the right side, meaning non skin sparing, and no nipple sparing, and a skin and nipple sparing on the left.  They were able to place the expanders and the cadaver skin in and fill them halfways so when I woke up I was surprised that I was not completely flat like I had seen on the internet.  I was probably a A cup, which is not too shabby when you're mentally prepared for a little boys chest.    
After the surgery, the next thing I remember was a nurse's voice telling me that if I opened my eyes I could get more medicine for the pain.  I guess I was complaining of pain while I was coming out of the anesthesia.  Thank heavens for modern pain medicine.  I can see how people could get addicted to that stuff.
That night when Keith came back to check on me, I decided I wanted to try to stand up and go to the restroom.  He and the nurse were helping me stand up, when everything went black.  Keith said my eyes rolled back and I was out.  But after a long night of pain, and little sleep, they had me up to walk around.   I was still in a lot of pain, so I was on really strong medicines that made me sleep a lot.
Also the pain medicine combined with the effects of the anesthesia caused my bowel to completely stop.  So I spent the next few days trying to work that out and get things up and running.
Also before I left the hospital, the nurses had to teach me and mom how to drain and keep the 4 tubes that come out of my body under my arms.  You have to drain the fluid/blood that could build up in the tubes and little plastic grenade at the end.  From what I've been told, care of these obnoxious tubes and grenades will help prevent swelling and infection.  We also have to clean, and dress all the stitches across my chest.
When I came home on Thursday, my mom and Keith had the kids and the house managed quite well.
I spent next few days, drugged, sleepy, and tucked away so that no one could touch me.
My dear mother would come up every night to help me drain my tubes and change my bandages. OUCH!

By my two week post op appointment I was feeling better and my drain had turned clear and were draining less, so the plastic surgeon decided to remove my lower drains on both sides.  I was happy about losing at least 2 of them.
But he also decided to fill my expanders to stretch out my skin. The doctor placed a magnet on the top of my chest until he found and marked the spot on the expanders to infected the fluid.  Then he brought out a huge tube of saline with a long needle.  I immediately looked away, but could feel the pressure in my chest.
Keith, who was at my feet said it was the craziest thing to see how much he put in me and watching my chest rise like a blow up pool toy.   Odd experience!
He injected two  bags in both my boobs until I was so tight and in pain, I thought I was going to pop.  The whole trip home I could feel every bump on my rode.

Now it's 6 days later and most of my pain is relieved.   Not looking forward to doing that one more time, but Keith keeps reminding me it will be over soon and worth it.
 
My scars are healing and I'm beginning to feel human again.  I still get light headed and dizzy, and I have to remind myself not to stretch for or pick up heavy things.
Thankfully my mom was here for two and half weeks, and my sister-in-law and niece are coming out the for next two weeks to help with all the crazy end of the year stuff.  The end is in sight!

I am stronger than cancer...

During one of my past stays in the hospital I went through a change of thought or maybe a better understanding.

I've never really thought of myself as "fighting" cancer.
Maybe because its not really in my nature to be aggressive, violent or angry toward anything.
I don't like conflict.
Ask anyone who has ever been to a violent or even action filled movie with me, I'm a mess because it makes me really uncomfortable and I can't watch.
Also I don't think of myself as being a strong person, who could fight a real battle.

But what I've learned is that when someone is struggling with anything, they fight it on three fronts, physical, spiritual, and mental.

I have a good friend, Jen Roper, who is my age, and has 5 small children that are almost the same ages as mine.  She lost her mother to breast cancer at a young age, and has been fighting off brain cancer for the past two years.  And winning..
She's so strong physically.  She's changed all her eating habits, and runs races every other month.
She's a spiritual giant.  Through all her trials, she has faith and understanding that God loves and has a plan for her and her sweet little family.
But what always amazes me is her mental confidence and determination.  She ends most of her posts with "I AM STRONGER THAN CANCER".  And doggone it, she is.  She just got another clear MRI.
I admire her strength on all fronts, and strive to be courageous like her, even though my battle is nothing in comparison to hers.
Ever need to be inspired read her blog www.theroperfam.blogspot.com

During my last stay in my hospital, I had a moment when this way of thinking all changed.
After six months of sickness, for some reason this one day was the last straw.
I started the day from a dead sleep, throwing up with no relief even with intense IV medicine, the pain and vomiting would not cess.
As the day continued the throwing up was accompanied by diarrhea.  At one point I was in the bathroom with a mess everywhere, I broke down into tears.
One of my favorite nurses at the hospital, Jackie (who is 7 months pregnant with her first baby) stood next to me, trying to help and comfort me, and it hit me.
I HATE CANCER!
If it was a thing or a person, and in the room at that moment, I would use all the strength left in me to beat the crap out of it.
An even though I feel weak physically now, I can and am stronger spiritually and mentally.
I am stronger than cancer and all the other side effects that have come with fighting cancer.

I hate what fighting cancer has detained me from doing, which is caring for my kids, husband, home, family and friends.  
But it has forced me and my family to see things in a new light and appreciate the little things.

A few months ago I was frustrated and complaining about how little I've been able to do to help out with the care and school work of my own children.
A good wise friend, sent me a text to remind me that I've been teaching them more important lessons about life.
I can do hard things.
And doing hard things forces me to grow.

Post op results

The surgery/procedure I had done on Monday, May 5th went well.
Using a little camera they were able to find a spot on my intestines kinda is like a blood blister, that was causing the illius.  So they cut out about an inch of my intestines, stapled it back together and also stitched close the mesentery section of my abdomen around the intestines.
Not much of that makes sense to me but from the pictures and the information we have received this will be the fix to my problems.
Now if I could just heal.
I was released from the hospital last Friday, May 9th.
Honestly I'm just not healing as fast as they had hoped, but my immune system isn't great.
If I'm not on pretty strong pain medicine, I have sharp pain in my side at the incision which makes it hard to get around.
At my post op appointment yesterday, they did a cat scan that showed that everything looks good inside me.  My intestines are a little swollen right below where the staples are, but that's to be expected.  The staples can take 60 days to dissolve but I shouldn't have pain for the that long.
Thankfully my bowls are working fine and my nausea is getting better.
I'm trying to lay low and heal.  Hoping and praying that I can still get my mastectomy next week.  I ready to get on the other side of this process.

Getting to the "Bottom" of it!

Never guess where I am? 

That’s right, Prince William County Hospital!

I’d been home for almost a week, but I was still vomiting at home if I ate solid food.  With the new medicines they gave me, I was able to keep it under control until Saturday evening when I started vomiting and could not make myself stop.  By 2:00 a.m. I knew I needed help to make it stop, but hated to wake up Keith and the kids, and even worse was to ride in an ambulance.  Something had to be done.

Once again, Keith was a trooper. He loaded the kids in car, grabbed my bag, me, my trash can and we were off to the ER in no time at all.

My Uncle John once said that when he and my Aunt Claudette were going through her cancer experience together, they would go to bed wondering if this was going to be the night they end up in the hospital or what would happen next. She had to be hospitalized 9 times. Gratefully she passed way lying right beside him.  There is strength and comfort in having those whom we love near during times of suffering. 

Keith and I have felt this same anxiety and worry every night.  Cancer is difficult for the one who has it, but I truly believe there is an equally great ache and pain to watch the one you love suffer through this awful disease.

In the ER, they were very quick this time to get my port accessed and started me on pain and anti nausea medicine.  Unfortunately, every time I threw up, I also had diarrhea. I was a MESS!

They took a CAT scan that showed a blockage in the same place as always.  They have decided to take a different approach this time.  Dr. Harrison, a surgeon, is going to go into my abdomen laparoscopically with a camera and some tools to look around.  They are hoping to find scar tissue or a blockage in the intestines that they can fix to solve my bowel problems.  We haven’t had much time to think about this but I do feel like this is the right course of action.  We’ve tried everything else and I can’t stay throwing up every other day.  This is no way to live. 

My surgery is today, Monday, May 5 at 3:00 p.m.  We would greatly appreciate your prayers for me and my surgeon during this time.   

Postponed....twice

I was in the hospital until Saturday when they released me even though I wasn't really feeling that great.  But I really wanted to go home to get Easter together for the kids, enjoy a little bit of their spring break, and organize a few thing in my house.
  

I know, it sounds stupid. 

It probable was, but it hard to be away so much when I was thinking about having a mastectomy that next week. 

In the past four months, I've been in this hospital 29 days, that's a month.  I love these people here at the hospital but I was all done being there.

Easter was great!  But I WAY over did working on the house and hiding Easter eggs, so on the evening of Easter Sunday I started to get sick again.  My sweet husband had to listen to me all night, up and down from the bathroom, moaning and groaning my pains. 

He repeatedly asked me, “Do you need to go to the hospital?”

Naively I would respond, “No, it’s going to pass.”
   

Finally at 4:00 am, (less than 48 hours after leaving the hospital) I let him take me back to the hospital.

He must have been ready because within 5 minutes, he had the kids in the car, my bag packed and we were on our way to the hospital.  He dropped me off in the ER then took the kids home and back to bed until he could get them off to school.   He's a good man!

Same drill at the hospital, drug me up to relieve pain and stop the vomiting, then put an NG tube down my nose.  Check my blood to let me know I have low potassium and a low white count.

This time to increase the fun, they filled my stomach and intestines up with barium contrast through the NG tube. Then x rayed me every hours to watch the contract dye go through my body.  For the first 6 hours it stayed in my stomach and didn't go far, then after I got up and walked around a bit, it went the rest of the way through.  This test showed them that I don’t have another blockage but I do still have an illus.    

This is Monday now and I was also doing my preops for my mastectomy the next day. 

Tuesday morning they rolled me down and started to prepare me for surgery.  Unfortunately, they had to cancel my surgery, because my white blood cell count was way too low.  My was 1.6 and the normal is 4 something.  Tears!

They rescheduled for the following Tuesday and readmitted me into the oncology wing of the hospital.

Let's just say Monday through Thursday was not pretty.  But I'll write about that later.

On Thursday, Dr. Moore, my oncologist contacted the makers of Herceptin to discuss my situation.  They explained to him that there is a 2% chance of women who are on long term Herceptin to develop “illus and struggle with low white blood cell counts”.  That’s my luck!  

Therefore, they can not operate on me for another three to four weeks!  Surgery postponed again.

More tears… a lot more tears! 

I understand though the need to postpone.  Your white blood cells are what make you heal particularly your skin.  And anastasiya shows down the bowels and that the last thing I need right now. 

So for now,  no exact date on my surgery but it will probable be the end of May.  And no more herceptin for me until after the surgery then they’ll try smaller doses.

They let me come home from the hospital on Friday, but I've been pretty much in bed the whole time.

Thanks HEAVENS for my mom.  She's an angel!   She here taking care of the kids, the house, and me.  

Thanks you for all for your card, texts, messages, phone calls, thoughts, and prayers.  It's not easy but well make through.  

Here we go again...

The first two weeks of April were really busy with a lot doctor’s appointments, kiddo activities, church stuff and just general get the home back into order, all of which makes for busy time for me arranging babysitting and carpools for the kids.

When we heard that Keith’s Aunt Pat passed away, we both knew he needed to go home for the funeral, which would leave me home with full time charge of kids and home.  I guess I wasn't up for the that much reality of my own life because the next week days didn't go well without Keith.
  

I had my second dose of Herceptin on Thursday while Keith was gone which didn't go as well as the first.  That night I became nausea with the weird after taste in my mouth and diarrhea.  By Saturday afternoon at the baseball field, I hit the wall, between the heat, chasing the kids, and my sickness, I started vomiting at the park, barely made it home in the car with the kids, and lost it on my sofa at home while the kids ran wild. 

Thankfully Garrett feed and got everyone to bed for me.  I love that boy.  He has really stepped up for the family during this time. 

I continued to be sick but was okay to just lie low at home, until Tuesday afternoon (the week before I was supposed to have my surgery) everything went downhill fast.   I started throwing up, and became dizzy, but the thing that took me over the edge was the severe abdominal pains. It’s like pregnancy pains but constant without any break.   It became difficult for me to breathe through the pain, so I started to hyperventilate. Soon between dehydration, low potassium, and hyperventilating, my muscles started to tease up.  My fingers, arms and legs contort and stiffen up until I can’t relax them.  Let’s just say it hurts.

Around seven Keith called 911 for a nice little ride in a chair down my stairs and a quick ride to the hospital for some relief.  This time the x-ray and ct scan showed a blockage in my small intestines.   So another NG tube down my nose and put me on the delicious liquid diet.  

In like a Lion & out like a Lamb

Here's a little catch up on the events of March.

I actually went back into the hospital again at the beginning of March for the same old stuff, abdominal pains, and vomiting that lead to passing out, and muscle stiffness from low potassium and oxygen.

They treat me with the same things every time.

Heavy IV drugs for nausea and pain, then they hook me up with some potassium and magnesium IVs and a heart monitor.  

Next comes the ever so painful NG tube down my nose to remove any and everything from my stomach, and then they put me on a liquid diet for a few days.  

Which you would think, at least I'd lose some weight through this process? Right!    

No, wrong!  Those IVs they pump into me are like Gatorade or I guess I'm hearty girl and like to retain my weight.

Anyways...

For the rest of March I felt good, not great, but good enough that I never found time to set down to blog.

Thanks to a good friend, Lindsey Olsen, Keith and I had a little get away into DC, which we both really need to reconnect and have fun again.

My friend, Denice organized a little birthday lunch with some good friends, which was great to feel normal and be with people that make me laugh.

I had some time to organize, rearrange and clean out the corners of my house.  Not that it helped or lasted long, but it gave me some peace of mind.

Basically was nice to just be the mom again.  I miss being able to be up and helping out with the kids and house.  I really miss being outside working in the my yard and watching my kids play.

Because my breast cancer is Her2 positive, I have to do a maintenance chemo of Herceptin every three weeks for a year.  In the middle of March I did my first one.   I had a little nausea and funny taste in my mouth but nothing compared to the previous doses with the other chemo drugs.

Here's some pictures that my ever so talented little sister Kristal Mulder took while she was out visiting in January.  I'll post more later when I learn how to down load them.  Thanks Kristal!  We love them

Out with a bang!

Had to go out with a bang!

I was nausea the week after chemo but the medicines helped to keep that under control or should I say I wasn't throwing up.  The medicine also made me sleep a lot but that was okay too.

My poor cousin, Sherida didn't have it so easy.  The kids were stuck inside all weekend with cold weather, then Monday, we got hit with a March snowstorm, so not only were the kids inside during the weekend, but for another two snow days.  And make matters more difficult, we are in the middle of finishing our basement, so Sherida couldn't even send them downstairs to get away from them.  Bless her heart! We were sad to see her go home on Thursday.

I don't know if I did too much or just dumb luck, but that night after Sherida left, I started throwing up and couldn't stop.  Friday I went into the cancer center to get hydration, and a little stronger medication for the nausea, but the doctor decided that I also needed to make a little trip to the hospital for an X-ray and observation.

I'm not going to lie, I cried!  The idea of going back to the hospital, tubes up my nose, liquid diet, IVs, and Keith and the kids arranging care for the weekend, just took me to the edge.  

As with everything on this journey, I have to learn to let go.

So I spent the weekend in the hospital letting my ilious heal, which is a fancy term for my intestines.  The good news is that I didn't have to have a tube put down my nose because I hadn't eaten in 24 hours and I healed quickly.

Sunday they released me to come home.  I'm still a little nausea, and my stomach/intestines are far from working properly but I'll survive.  The doctor said it takes three weeks to get the majority of the chemo out of your system so I'm half way there.    

My mastectomy is scheduled for April 22nd.  It's a great time for us because it gives me 7 weeks after chemo to recover, it's the day after my kids go back to school after spring break, and 7 weeks for me to recover after the surgery before the kids are out of school for summer.

Charity is more than just doing, it's caring.

I have already post how much I love and appreciate EMTs

I love my doctors!  I am confident they are the doctors for me.  I have complete trust and appreciation for the sacrifices they make to be educated and knowledgeable about my personal case.

But the majority of my aid through this journey has comes from the nurses, whether at the doctors appointment, chemo treatment, or in the hospital.  They are the smiling angels running about non stop attend to our needs. I know its just a profession, but most nurses make it much more.   Most nurses are always happy, honestly concerns about you, and wanting to help you find relief.

One such nurse that has particular stood out to me, is my chemo nurse, Kathy.  From the first day of treatment, when I came in scared to death, she called me "Honey" and gave me a big long hug to calm me down and reassure me everything is going to be okay.  She asked me about all me children and family.  But what makes her so different to me is she remembers from treatment to treatment the details of my life and truly cares three weeks later how I'm doing and what's new with my kids.  As a nurse, she doesn't have to do that.  As I sit her watch her run from beeping IV stand to IV stand, helping each patient, she shows that same concern and personal care to each and every person.

Through watching her I have come to a broader understanding of charity.  I'm really good about running about serving others, a little bit because its ingrained into by my church  and a little bit for self gratification of serving others.  Sad, but true!  Bring meals, cleaning a house, giving a ride, watching kids, or any other serve project you throw at me, it no problem.

But Kathy has showed me that charity is much more.  She runs around busily doing for each of us, but will stop at any moment to talk to a patient, to give a hug and tell them she loves them and hear their story. Charity is more than an act of kindness.  It's a personal investment of caring, knowing and wanting the best for that person, who ever they are family or stranger.  I need to start by practising this with my own family and kids.

My second favorite thing about Kathy is she's not afraid to talk about God.  Many of the patients often talk about the churches and ministries sermons.  Kathy joins right in to testify of her faith in the Savior.

At one of my treatments, Kathy was telling about taking her young grandson that she took to mass at Holy Trinity.  I guess on the way up to take the sacrament, her grandson did something silly, and her first thought was to correct him. But then she had to laugh and take in the moment.  I remember thinking, Kathy knows that she was in the right place, doing the right thing, with the right little person.

Four weeks ago, at my second to the oldest child and oldest daughters baptism, my four year, Alina was having a hard time being quiet and holding still.  Four kids were baptized and then we all came back to the chapel to give them a blessing and confirm the Holy Ghost.  Half way through the first boys blessing, Alina really started to lose it.  So my dear friend, Rachel told her, "Alina you just have to hold still until Kendall gets the Holy Ghost."

Alina immediately stands up and turn around to look over the congregation.  Then she yells out, "I don't see the Holy Ghost.  Where is he?  How is Kendall going to get him?  Can you see him?  What color is he?"  And on and on she went, non stop talking in her loud high voice.

During Kendall's blessing she came over to ask me all the same question.  I tried to whisper back answers, but they were not sufficient for her curiousity.

Finally after wrestling my two, almost three year old on one knee and Alina the chatter box on the other knee, I had, had it.  I scoobed up those two and marched them out of the chapel and back to the kitchen for a snack and a time out for all three of us.  I pulled my wig off and threw my head in the refrigerator to cool off.  (One of four times I wear my wig, and I feel like I'm going through menopause.)

Once again my sweet friend, Rachel came to my rescue and watched the two so I could go back in and enjoy the rest of the service.  As I sat in the back looking around at dear friends that have become family, and listen to the gospel of Jesus Christ being taught to me, my family, and close friends.  I thought about Kathy's story.  I'm in the right place, doing the right thing, with the right people.  We are not perfect.  Far from it.  But we are on the right path to find happiness and joy in this life and the next.  Surrounding myself with people like Kathy, I know help me along the way.  She is a true blessing in my life, and not just because she's my nurse, she so much more.

Sidenote about Alina
The next morning after the baptism, it happened that it was just her and I around the table in the wee hours.  As we started to enjoy our bowl of pink shredded wheat.
Alina, who as Keith says is always suspended in conversation from night to the next day, chimes in, "Mom did you get the Holy Ghost when you were baptized?"

Trying to keep in conversation short and quiet due to morning exhaustion, I respond, "Yes"

Alina quickly asks back, "What did it feel like?"

Me, "It's a good feeling inside your body."

Silence while we both eat a little cereal, then Alina asks, "So is my cereal the Holy Ghost, because it makes me feel good inside?"

Sigh!  Okay you can do better mom.

Me, "Alina the Holy Ghost is the spirit without a body, that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ send to each of us when we ask for it or are in need.  We also feel the Holy Ghost when we make good choices and help others. It a conformation that you are loved by them and they are aware of your needs."

Silence and more cereal eaten....

Alina, "So the Holy Ghost is God!"

Me, "Right,"
End of this long, and important conversation.
I love my spicy Alina! 

Best Friends Through the Years

Last night, as I struggled to get my mind off the last chemo, I sat down on my bed with five totes of laundry and started watching a movie called "Big Fish" at 10:00 p.m.  At first I thought it was the cheesiest movie, but then it hooked me, and I had to finish.

Keith came in to bed at 12:00 to find me crying like a baby.  I cry a lot lately.  I turning into a big boob! (Get it a "BIG boob!" Or at least a medium size boob.)

Then over the next two hours, I layed in bed thinking about this movie and my life. This movie was about a man, who hyperbolized stories of meeting and making friends in his life. As his death, his son realized that his father really did live a great life with amazing friends.   But the point I took was that as he befriended and helped someone through his life, they helped him back in the end. Friends come and go, but they stay friends forever.   Between this movie and a note I received from a old friends has made me start thinking about my life.

I was blessed to grow up in a small town in Norther Arizona, Joseph City.  As I think back on teachers, friends, neighbors, my parents, and sisters, I couldn't have asked for a better environment to learn, enjoy and grow into an adult.
One my greatest influences, in my youth was my best friend, Jenny Burt (Collins).  Jenny is my oldest and most consistent friend of my life. As I remember, Jenny and I were in the same classroom all through grade school and most of our High school classes were the same.
Then after high school, we went our separate ways, she met and married a great guy and started a family and I jumped from school to mission to school to being a working single girl.  In the beginning we'd talk and get together a couple times a year but then life gets busy and we'd only get to meet for dinner once a year.
But thats okay! I never felt any less close, or loved, or understood no matter how much time had past.  We're friends that carry for on another. Our lives could not been any more different, when I was getting married at the age of 31, Jenny was having her 9th and last baby.  Time and distance still has not changed our friendship.  How blessed with friendship.

I also thought of best friends that I have made and needed through my life experiences.
Childhood friends that helped me get into a little trouble, take long drives, cruise the streets of Holbrook (which I don't know why) and long talks and happy memories.

During my college, mission and single working girl years, I made amazing friends to travel with, go to dinner, cry over boyfriend break ups and giggle over new crushes.  Dinner and movies, long talks, shopping, serving together, and working together.  Thank heavens for facebook, cell phones, and texting to reconnects.  Few things bring me greater joy then to see an old friends, children on saying or doing great things.  Its a small way to stay connected and caring for one and other.

And now that I'm a mother/wife living far away from family, I have made friends that helped me laugh and make a good joke about the long crazy days of motherhood.  We have friends who have become family because ours is too far away.  The unconditional support through this trial has even made me more grateful for friends.  Friends that drop everything and change daily plans to come watch my children, give me a ride to appointment, even when the appointment ends up in emergency room trip late into the night.  (Sorry Tina and Kristal)  Friends that say its no problem to take 5 extra kids to all their activities and church functions, when by definition any more children under age 10, is a problem.  Thanks you!

I have been blessed with fantastic friends old and new...near and far.  They have molded and improved my life for the best.  I hope in some way I have helped them along the way.

I'm particular excited about my cousin Sherida coming tonight to help with this last chemo.  There was about 4 years that I spent everyday with Sherida, my Aunt Claudette, and Stephanie. I'm pretty sure I was the 8 child, they never wanted.   I miss laughing around Uncle John and Aunt Claudette's kitchen table, discussing politics, funny events of the day, teasing one another, and discussing gospel topics.  My heart hurts missing Claudette and Stephanie, with reassurance that we will be together again one day.  

Choices, choices....

Keith and I met with the plastic surgeon this week to discuss breast reconstruction options after the mastectomy.

There were a lot of options, but they boil down to two choices...

Tissue flap procedures or implant procedures

Tissue flap procedures use your own fat tissue, muscle, and skin from your stomach, or back to recreate the breast.
Sounds appealing because you get a tummy tuck and new breast all in one.
However, it's a 8-10 hours operation, and 3-6 month recovery.  Also a lifetime of weak stomach or back muscles due to the surgery.
All scary and not really available to me, right now in my life.

Implant procedures starts with tissue expanders and the use of fake skin (cadaver skin) to stretch the skin out into the desired shape/size of the breast.  
Also you have these horrible drain tubes that everyone says is a pain.
It about a 2 hour surgery and 3-6 weeks recovery with the expanders and drain tubes.  Then a small procedure to replace the expanders with silicone implants and a week or so recovery.

The doctor explained to us the advances in silicone technology, particularly over the past five years.  If punchered, they don't leak and cause the problems of the past.

We both feel like we received good information and feel pretty good about the doctor, now we have to make some decisions. Which I feel is most likely silicone implants.

For me, the low point of this appointment came when the doctor was examining my stomach and back to see if I was a candidate for tissue flap procedure, he said, "You have plenty of extra fat and skin on your stomach to replace both breast."

What!  This after I've lost 25 pound during chemotherapy!  

The Bloodletting Room Conversation

Friday we met with the oncologist to make sure my blood count is up.

As I was waiting in the room I affectionately call "the bloodletting room", for my blood to be drawn, a woman across from me said, "You make bald look beautiful!"

I rubbed my head remembering that I was bald, and said, "Oh thank you.  You get usta it."

She then told me that she was on her second round and her hair was starting to fall out.  So then she asked, "How did you cut it off? Did you go to a salon?"

I told her my son did it with clippers at home, and that I've had to trim it down twice since then because part of my hair has continue to grow, but it's sparse.

Her husband, who was obviously a military man, laughed and asked, "So I need to cut her hair, the same way she's cut mine for years?"

Yep, pretty much. High and tight!

Oh, and my blood count is UP, or at least up enough for a chemo patient.  I'm feeling much better everyday.   I not 100%, but I better than I've been in the past 6 weeks, so no complaints.

All is Well

Last Thursday, when I took the lower dose of chemo, I had two goals in mind.

Don't throw up and stay out of the hospital!

I have big goals, I know?

So I started the anti-nausea medicine immediately after my treatment, hydrated, and went straight to bed. 

Friday through Monday I had all the normal symptoms.  I was constantly nausea, tired, body aches, my eyes twitch and are light sensitive, heat flashes and night sweats.  

But I've started feeling a little better everyday, and I can see the light at the end.  

I've successful  had a week of no throwing up and no hospital visits that were not planned.

I did have a procedure done on Monday afternoon at Dr. William office in the hospital.   

Once again he ultrasound my breast, without finding the tumor.  Happy feeling!  

But he wanted to put a marker where the tumor was so that when they do the mastectomy and take out all the tissue they know what section had the tumor.  Then the pathologist can really check that area for cancer.  

So he numbed me up, and shot big medal needle/prob thing in where the tumor was, then released a marker in my breast.  A little painful but not that bad.  

So all is well.  

I'm doing well.  

Kids are loving having Grandma Hatch here for Valentines.  

Grandma is awesome and on top of every.  

Landon's over his ear infection.   

Keith is busy and helpful as usual.  

And of course we are going to have another stinking snow day on Thursday, because we have a snow day every time I do chemo.  

Can not wait for SPRING to come! 

  

Two things that drive me nuts..

I hate to complain, because I know there are others that suffer greater that I do. And I know there are other side effects I could be having, but I am not, like mouth sores.
But that being said, there are two things that are kinda driving me nuts.

First is called chemo brain or mental fogginess.

When I heard about this in chemo class, before starting chemo, I thought it sounded ridiculous. Boy was I wrong!

Its like pregnancy or mom brain times 10.

I have difficulty concentrating or staying focused on a task. Trouble remembering words, names, dates.  No ability to multi-task even function sometimes.

Thus the reason if any of these posts don't make sense, it's because I forgot to ask my friend Denise or my sister Paula fix all my grammatical and spelling errors before posting my craziness to the world.

A few days ago, I was doing the laundry to find I had once again ran the washing machine without putting clothes in it.
Stood there and laughed, and thought "Next year this is time I'll be back to normal , with a somewhat healthy body that has energy, and an average functioning brain."
I'm realistic, I wasn't that great before this process started.  But this body and this brain is driving me crazy.

Second is the neuropathy in my hands and feet.

They are constantly cold, numb, tingling, and burning, which causes pain. I also have the tendency to drop things.

At nights, I rub my feet and hands together to try and get feeling back.  I also find myself scratching the pads of my fingers on my knee, just like my Grandma Lena did when she was 90 sitting in her recliner.  She probable had the same problem, or it was a nervous twist.

Speaking of Grandma Hatch, last week while my dad was here, I was laying on the sofa and he was sitting across from me and he said to me, "Baby, you know who you look like?"
Me, before dad can respond,  "Grandpa Vern"
My dad laughed and said, "Yes"
I told him I think that every time I look at myself in the mirror.  My pointy nose, short gray buzz cut hair, and pale face, I look just like him.
So for those of you who knew Grandpa Vern, you now have a visual of what I look like going through chemo.
You would think I would be upset by this fact, but I'm not.  I'm actually
quite proud to look like a Hatch.

I don't know if you'd call Grandpa Vern handsome but he was a great man.  One of my favorite from my childhood.

A Bear getting ready to Hibernate!

The week before I get ready to start another chemotherapy round, I start to feel like an old bear getting ready to hibernating!

Bears forge for food and eat a lot to fatten up!

I grocery shop like week long blizzard is coming in and I want go out to eat to all the yummy restaurants that I won't be about to eat for a week.

Bears prepare the den.

I clean my house like a pregnant women nesting.

I sure bears mate, party with friends and exercise, but I just don't have time for that.

As I begin my hyphenation, I have to remind my self that it is just one week, and not they whole winter. Although some days it seems like we've hibernating during this whole winter.

Perspective

I must have done too much over the weekend, because I've been week ,dizzle, and flu like for the past three days.

I knew and was worried about it, yesterday when I went in to get my blood tested to see if I was health enough to do chemo on Thursday.  Unfortunately, I also wasn't meeting with Dr. Moore because he is on vacation, so I was meeting with the Nurse Practitioner.

Three things happen each visit before I see the doctor/NP, they weight you, they take two tubes of blood, and the nurse takes your vital states and reviews your medicines.

I felt nervous waiting for the NP to come in, like I had just failed a HUGE mid term exam.
And sure enough, I did fail!

The NP came in and told me because, my white blood cell count is too low, I had dropped in weight, and spending a week in the hospital, she as the NP could not approve of me doing chemo.  Grrr!


After discussing the fact that my tumor is gone, and the doctor had written a note on the last visit that my dose my be too high for my current health and lose of weight, she said she would email the doctor to ask the approval.  But if he didn't email back within 24 hours of starting chemo, I couldn't do it until next week.

She left the room, and I began to cry.
Odd!  Why would anyone be sad about not getting a chance to put POISON in their body?

But I realized it's because I have mentally told myself, "I can do this until the spring", which is March for me.
If I get behind or gets delayed, I may go crazy!

Thankfully, the NP came in with good news!  Because its only my white count that are broad line low,  which I get a shot called Neulasta on Friday, that gives that count a boast.  And my body obviously is respond well enough to the chemotherapy to lower the dose by 20% and take care of whatever cancer is left.  I can do chemo on Thursday!
As I was getting ready to go, she turned and very seriously said to me, "If your going to do this, you have to go home and lay low in bed"

Easier said then done!
As we all know, Moms don't really get to be sick or it's hard for us to let go, esspecaillty for weeks and months on end.
I came home that day, and tried to sleep, but I couldn't turn my head off enough to fall asleep. (Extreme Anxiety)
All I could think about is all the things I needed to do before I get really sick and just generally needs done for my kids and around my house.

Finally about 6:00 pm, before Keith left for church and Garrett and Kendall needed to be at Scouts/ her 1st Achievement Days, I asked Keith to come up and talk me through whats in my head.
I told him all the dumb, little, but big and important things to me, that were on my mind.
In true form, Keith just talked me down.
He is just so even, constant, and positive that he can see and helps me to see what I need to worry about and what I need to just let go.
I lack this ability to have perspective in all thinks. He has it in spades.
I LOVE that man!

And so grateful again for all my good friends and mom who took charge of my day today so that I could rest.

So, ya for me, because I get to stay on schedule, but I'm not feeling as well as I have hoped going into a chemo.
Prayers would be greatly appreciated that I can stay health through this treatment.

Also thank you all for the cards, and comments you leave me.
As I lay in bed, tired sleeping, movies and mindless watching the computer, I read them and they bring me joy.
Thanks you for caring. I truly feel your strength and support.

Many Blessings and Great News

Tuesday I was released from the hospital, and sent home to rest until the illous completely healed and my energy came back up.
I am so blessed to have great friends,( Rachael, Tina, Denise, Laurel and many others) who came over to watch the kids and care for me, cleaned my house, did my laundry, helped me prepare for the big weekend and forced me to rest.

So grateful that my parents came to visit and help with the baptism.  Even as an adult, its good to have your mom and dad around when you don't feel great, and need help.

I am so blessed to have a daughter like Kendall turn 8.
We had a great day celebrating her birthday, then preparing for her baptism and feeling the spirit so strong during her conformation.
As her and I were laying out her clothes for the baptism, she said to me. "I'm really lucky to get baptized today, because I only get to do it once, and not everyone who turns 8 gets to get baptized.  So that makes me really special."
 How true!

I also realized how blessed I am for my baby Landon to be turning 3.
For the past 11 years, I've always had an infant to be caring for night and day.
I loved that time of my life, but how grateful I am that we have moved into toddlers and kids only.

One of my greatest blessings this week came on Thursday when Keith and I went to visit the surgeon for an ultrasound recheck of my tumor in my breast.
As I lay on the table the doctor began the ultrasound, and I thought it was odd how quiet he was....
Five, six minutes later he said, "This is unusual!"  then continued to ultrasound some more.
Finally he said,  "I can't find your tumor! The place where is was has a little shadowing but the chemotherapy seems to have complete removed your tumor.  This is a REALLY BIG DEAL!"
He said that the fact that my body is reacting so well to the treatments also puts me in a better category for survival.
It also make all those hours sick in bed, worth it!
We had hoped and maybe even assumed that it would shrink, but to have completely gone, is a miracle.
And I'll take it!

Just a Note

I'm in the hospital at least one more day. Thank you for your kind  thoughts.

I just wanted to let you know that because of the medicine that I'm taking, I can't have visitors.

It's the Little Things

So I'm in the hospital.

The vomiting took it's toll and I had an abdominal blockage, so they admitted me on Wednesday.

I am finally feeling better today, but I think I still have a ways to go before I can really say that I'm actually better.

My potassium levels have been extremely low. The day I checked in my potassium level was a -2, and since you shouldn't be below a 4, they got to work making things right. I was having severe cramping and I was dehydrated. Several attempts later, they finally got a CT scan of the blockage.

In order to take care of the blockage or and Ellis they inserted a tube down my nose (well, they actually used 3 different tubes before they got one to work) and used suction to break up the blockage. It looks like they got most of it, and my bowels are finally working again.  Tubes up your nose is top on my ten ting a ever to do

It's amazing how exciting it can be to use the bathroom.

Sorry for the ugly details. It is what it is, and unfortunately, it really has been ugly.

It's been the craziest week, with lots of  really bad weather. There has been snow and negative temperatures and lots and lots of snow days. The kids have been home, luckily Aunt Kristal has been here to keep them entertained. We are grateful that she could come. She went home on Thursday.

I for sure will be in the hospital until tomorrow, but maybe even until Sunday. My white blood count is low. With all the tubes they had down my nose, my nostrils are raw and I have bled and bled. I think I ended up changing my nightgown at least 8 times. The bleeding has stopped and hopefully will stay stopped.

The big thing now is that I have to keep walking to avoid blood clots, and take it easy to avoid throwing up.

I'm feeling a little out of it today and time passes so slowly here. But, i'm glad to be feeling better.

And...in a little bit of the good news area, during the CT scan they were able to see the lymphoma and it's shrinking. It's just a little victory, but we will take it.

Thank you for your texts and prayers and kind thoughts. We are moving forward.

Random events,and eliminates for the week

Met with the Doctor Moore last week to get a stronger drug for the nausea and vomiting.
He prescribed a lovely little concoction of Zofran, Ativan, and Lorazepam.

We had a few problems getting the insurance to cover the high dose and three month prescription due to the price, but Keith was able to negotiate one month.  Happy to have it and it seems to be helping.

That being said,  we've had the stomach flu going through our house for about a week, so I've done my share of the throwing up.

Just last night we had Garrett and Kendall up all night.  Poor Keith truly wants to just throw away the bathroom mats and buy again rather than salvage those suckers.  Hoping that this bug is soon to leave our house.

The medicine I'm taking makes me a little loopy, so I have made some pretty nuckeye moves.

Many burnt meals.

I have numb fingers and toes, so I keep dropping and bumping into things.  Its called Neropathy.  I've found that a heating pad or gloves helps.

It was a rainy Tuesday so I went to pick up the kids from the bus stop.  Miss judged my turning radius and put the front our minivan in the ditch in front of our house.  Then tried to get out by myself.  back - forth - back - forth. BAD

Sweet neighbors tried to help but AAA was needed.

Funny thing about my hair falling out, is that they hair that didn't fall out, still grows!  So I was looking a little shaggy.  I decided to give myself a buzz cut with a 1 and 2 guard.  Odd feeling as a women to give yourself a high and tight cut.

That being said I have also lost all the hair everywhere else on my body.  And I mean everywhere!

I am feeling better and able to get a few things ready for Kendall's birthday and baptism.

So grateful for great friends that watch my kids, clean up there vomit, clean my house, drive me around, check on me, pray for me and love me.  

That I Might Not Shrink.

These past few days I have felt a nervous and a little fearful - doubting my strengthen to handle all the sickness.  I was maybe even a little bitter that we have to be going through all of this right now.  We have a busy life -we have small kids with a lot of needs, we're away from family,  it's the winter funk, there's seasonal sicknesses and we have a general desire to be doing anything else but this.  

 Then I thought about an CES article that my father sent me by Elder David Bednar, called "That we might not shrink..."   His bishop had given it to him and it had really helped him better accept and understand why I have to go through this trial. 

Last night as I reread this article and it gave me peace and understanding.  Now I hope for faith and strength as the outcome of round 4 of my chemotherapy unfolds over the next week or so.  The following are some quotes from this article that helped me.  

Earlier in that same year, Elder Maxwell underwent 46 days and nights of debilitating chemotherapy for leukemia. Shortly after completing his treatments and being released from the hospital, he spoke briefly in the April General Conference of the Church. His rehabilitation and continued therapy progressed positively through the spring and summer months, but Elder Maxwell’s physical strength and stamina were nonetheless limited when he traveled to Rexburg. After greeting Elder and Sister Maxwell at the airport, Susan and I (Elder David Bednar) drove them to our home for rest and a light lunch before the devotional.During the course of our conversations that day, I asked Elder Maxwell what lessons he had learned through his illness. I will remember always the precise and penetrating answer he gave. '"Dave," he said, 'I have learned that not shrinking is more important than surviving." 

His response to my inquiry was a principle with which he had gained extensive personal experience during his chemotherapy. As Elder Maxwell and his wife were driving to the hospital in January of 1997, on the day he was scheduled to begin his first round of treatment, they pulled into the parking lot and paused for a private moment together. Elder Maxwell "breathed a deep sigh and looked at [his wife]. He reached for her hand and said … , ‘I just don’t want to shrink’” (Bruce C. Hafen, A Disciple’s Life: The Biography of Neal A. Maxwell [2002], 16).In his October 1997 General Conference message, entitled “Apply the Atoning Blood of Christ,” Elder Maxwell taught with great authenticity: “As we confront our own … trials and tribulations, we too can plead with the Father, just as Jesus did, that we ‘might not … shrink’—meaning to retreat or to recoil (D&C 19:18). Not shrinking is much more important than surviving! Moreover, partaking of a bitter cup without becoming bitter is likewise part of the emulation of Jesus” (Ensign, Nov. 1997, 22). 

Elder Maxwell’s answer to my question caused me to reflect on the teachings of Elder Orson F. Whitney, who also served as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire” (quoted in Spencer W. Kimball,Faith Precedes the Miracle [1972], 98)."

Elder Bednar also points out that we do not know the meaning of all things, but we must learn to say "Not My Will but Thine Be Done". To continue to quote Elder Bednar:

"We recognized a principle that applies to every devoted disciple: strong faith in the Savior is submissively accepting of His will and timing in our lives—even if the outcome is not what we hoped for or wanted. Certainly,. But more importantly, they would be “willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [them], even as a child doth submit to his father” (Mosiah 3:19). Indeed, they would be willing to “offer [their] whole souls as an offering unto him” (Omni 1:26) and humbly pray, “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done” (Luke 22:42)."

I want to grow in His will for me and find joy and closeness to Him through this process.  I want this experience be make me a bettter, mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend and servant to those around me.  

Happy New Years!

Once they checked me into the hospital, I immediately started feeling better.
 
The wonders of fluids through an iv when you are dehydrated.  Sweet nactor!

Then they gave me medicines for the nausea and headaches straight into my iv.  Relief!

I felt vastly improved with in one hour of being at the hospital.  But the doctor decided to keep me over night for testing because my oxygen count and blood pressure were low.  My blood count was low too but not so low for a chemo patient or in need of a blood strains fusion.  We chemo patients are a sad lot.    I also couldn't pass two of the test they wanted me to do . Don't know what that was all about.

Anyhow, it was midnight on New Years Eve so I kissed my eternal sweetheart, Keith Jones and sent me home to relieve our good friends that came to help be there for the kids while they slept.  They didn't even know I left the house.

As I lay in the ER room, I though about twelve years ago this night,  I set Keith up on a blind date with a friend for New Years Eve Dance.  We ended up talking and dancing and laughing much of that New Years Eve together. (Sorry other blind dates)  Carefree and with no idea what the next twelve years would hold for us as a couple.  As bad as this New Years Eve was, I can't complain about other 5000+ days we'll spent between.  We are blessed!

After he left ,they ran a few more test, x-rays, and ct scan on me before admitting me into the oncology department of the hospital.  Can't complain here too.  Private rooms and they let me sleep in until 10:00 am

Wednesday morning they gave me a few more bags of fluid, and stronger anti nausea medicine and sent me home to rest.

Thursday I went into the cancer center for more fluids

Friday, I started to throw up AGAIN.  So Keith called the on call Doctor who called in an even stronger anti nausea medicine.  Finally something that has worked.

Today is Tuesday and I feel like I'm coming back to the land of the living.  Just in time to do this again next Thursday.   CRAZY!

Angels Among Us

Round 3

Normally the infusion of the chemotherapy is a rather easy experience.

My sweet nurse Kathy hooks up my medaport, brings in a box of liquid poison bags, we repeat my name and dates, and she sends them dripping into my body.

Then I kick back and watch a movie, read a book or stair out the window realizing the fate that will soon be mine over the weekend..

Unfortunately this time I decided finish addressing Christmas card.  Not my best idea!
I think the leaning over made my stomach upset which caused some incredible heart burn.

I went home to sleep it off and was a little better the next day, but then I had to go in for the dreaded Neulasta shot.

That somehow is good for my be I always get deathly sick with in three hours of the shot.

To boot it like getting a big fat peanut butter shot in the fatty back part of your arm.  As explained to me by Jen Walker.  

Nothing about this round was like the other two. The normal diarrhea didn't start but in turn I got heart burn that started in my abdominal area and shot up through my chest like a flame that burned all the way up my throat.  I felt like smokestack!

 This was NOTHING like any heart burn I had ever experienced with pregnancy.

 I was popping Zantac and nausea medicines like candy with not relief.  Tried white bread, small glass of milk, water, nothing helped.

Saturday afternoon is when the real fun began.

 Wrecking Vomiting.  Which  then turned into the chills, then sweat, and  the shacks, until you start the whole process over again.     And again....    And again..

Mixed in the with mess my good old friend diarrhea, and passing out.  I was a complete MESS!

Finally after about three or four hours of this game my body gave out in to sleep.

Leaving my sweet husband to clean up the mess. Put the kids to bed and somehow get some sleep me self before church the next morning.

Thank Heavens for my sweet friend Jen who flew in for a few days of this train wreck.  She fixed the meals, played with kids, did the laundry, and keep some normality going.

Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday all pretty much went the same.

I'd feel a little better in the morning, eat and drink a little, tired and felling yucky by the afternoon.  And vomiting by 4:00 pm

Tuesday night after throwing up for about three hours, I realized there was nothing left in me.

My head was light and air.  I was having  a hard time communicating to Keith my needs.  I was really heavy breathing.  I had passed out on the toilet and then again on the floor.  It was too much.

I asked Keith to give me a blessing.

I don't remember much of the blessing, but I remembered thinking this.

Keith is worthy to hold the Priesthood.

The blessings he is say is from the Lord to me right now in this situation.

All blessing giving are based on the faith of the one receiving the blessing.

Heavenly Father wants me to feel better.

Neither Keith nor I  can't help myself anymore right now here.  I need others to help me.

At the end of the blessing I asked Keith to call 911.

This is were it all goes a little blurry for me but according to Keith

The EMT wrapped me in something that looked like a huge taco laced up at the top to carry me down the stairs.  Somewhere in the middle of being carried down stairs I passed out.  Next I was told they put on a gurney, rolled across my yard half naked , put me up in the ambulance, and we began to cruising down Prince William Highway on our way to Prince William Hospital.

 The next thing I remember was as amazing lady, an EMT yelling "Stop trying to get that vein, She's dehydrated"  And thanks heavens, he had already poked me three time on that side.  Another guy went on the other side and took a little time and was able to get some fluids in me.

This sweet amazing angel EMT could tell that I was freezing, so she wrapped me tight in blanket and held me while I cried for Keith.  I'll never forget this kind act.

She said. "Did your husband give you a blessing tonight?"

"Yes"

"Then everything is going to be okay!""

How did she know?  I don't care.  This kind act and gently word spoke such peace to my soul.  And comforted me when I was in great need of comfort.

She continued to talk to me about my cancer and chemo.  She was very knowledge and tender.  
She stayed with me until they got me settle in the ER and Keith arrived.  Somehow, she knew I needed her for my first ever Ambulance ride.

There are angels among us!