I must have done too much over the weekend, because I've been week ,dizzle, and flu like for the past three days.
I knew and was worried about it, yesterday when I went in to get my blood tested to see if I was health enough to do chemo on Thursday. Unfortunately, I also wasn't meeting with Dr. Moore because he is on vacation, so I was meeting with the Nurse Practitioner.
Three things happen each visit before I see the doctor/NP, they weight you, they take two tubes of blood, and the nurse takes your vital states and reviews your medicines.
I felt nervous waiting for the NP to come in, like I had just failed a HUGE mid term exam.
And sure enough, I did fail!
The NP came in and told me because, my white blood cell count is too low, I had dropped in weight, and spending a week in the hospital, she as the NP could not approve of me doing chemo. Grrr!
After discussing the fact that my tumor is gone, and the doctor had written a note on the last visit that my dose my be too high for my current health and lose of weight, she said she would email the doctor to ask the approval. But if he didn't email back within 24 hours of starting chemo, I couldn't do it until next week.
She left the room, and I began to cry.
Odd! Why would anyone be sad about not getting a chance to put POISON in their body?
But I realized it's because I have mentally told myself, "I can do this until the spring", which is March for me.
If I get behind or gets delayed, I may go crazy!
Thankfully, the NP came in with good news! Because its only my white count that are broad line low, which I get a shot called Neulasta on Friday, that gives that count a boast. And my body obviously is respond well enough to the chemotherapy to lower the dose by 20% and take care of whatever cancer is left. I can do chemo on Thursday!
As I was getting ready to go, she turned and very seriously said to me, "If your going to do this, you have to go home and lay low in bed"
Easier said then done!
As we all know, Moms don't really get to be sick or it's hard for us to let go, esspecaillty for weeks and months on end.
I came home that day, and tried to sleep, but I couldn't turn my head off enough to fall asleep. (Extreme Anxiety)
All I could think about is all the things I needed to do before I get really sick and just generally needs done for my kids and around my house.
Finally about 6:00 pm, before Keith left for church and Garrett and Kendall needed to be at Scouts/ her 1st Achievement Days, I asked Keith to come up and talk me through whats in my head.
I told him all the dumb, little, but big and important things to me, that were on my mind.
In true form, Keith just talked me down.
He is just so even, constant, and positive that he can see and helps me to see what I need to worry about and what I need to just let go.
I lack this ability to have perspective in all thinks. He has it in spades.
I LOVE that man!
And so grateful again for all my good friends and mom who took charge of my day today so that I could rest.
So, ya for me, because I get to stay on schedule, but I'm not feeling as well as I have hoped going into a chemo.
Prayers would be greatly appreciated that I can stay health through this treatment.
Also thank you all for the cards, and comments you leave me.
As I lay in bed, tired sleeping, movies and mindless watching the computer, I read them and they bring me joy.
Thanks you for caring. I truly feel your strength and support.
I knew and was worried about it, yesterday when I went in to get my blood tested to see if I was health enough to do chemo on Thursday. Unfortunately, I also wasn't meeting with Dr. Moore because he is on vacation, so I was meeting with the Nurse Practitioner.
Three things happen each visit before I see the doctor/NP, they weight you, they take two tubes of blood, and the nurse takes your vital states and reviews your medicines.
I felt nervous waiting for the NP to come in, like I had just failed a HUGE mid term exam.
And sure enough, I did fail!
The NP came in and told me because, my white blood cell count is too low, I had dropped in weight, and spending a week in the hospital, she as the NP could not approve of me doing chemo. Grrr!
After discussing the fact that my tumor is gone, and the doctor had written a note on the last visit that my dose my be too high for my current health and lose of weight, she said she would email the doctor to ask the approval. But if he didn't email back within 24 hours of starting chemo, I couldn't do it until next week.
She left the room, and I began to cry.
Odd! Why would anyone be sad about not getting a chance to put POISON in their body?
But I realized it's because I have mentally told myself, "I can do this until the spring", which is March for me.
If I get behind or gets delayed, I may go crazy!
Thankfully, the NP came in with good news! Because its only my white count that are broad line low, which I get a shot called Neulasta on Friday, that gives that count a boast. And my body obviously is respond well enough to the chemotherapy to lower the dose by 20% and take care of whatever cancer is left. I can do chemo on Thursday!
As I was getting ready to go, she turned and very seriously said to me, "If your going to do this, you have to go home and lay low in bed"
Easier said then done!
As we all know, Moms don't really get to be sick or it's hard for us to let go, esspecaillty for weeks and months on end.
I came home that day, and tried to sleep, but I couldn't turn my head off enough to fall asleep. (Extreme Anxiety)
All I could think about is all the things I needed to do before I get really sick and just generally needs done for my kids and around my house.
Finally about 6:00 pm, before Keith left for church and Garrett and Kendall needed to be at Scouts/ her 1st Achievement Days, I asked Keith to come up and talk me through whats in my head.
I told him all the dumb, little, but big and important things to me, that were on my mind.
In true form, Keith just talked me down.
He is just so even, constant, and positive that he can see and helps me to see what I need to worry about and what I need to just let go.
I lack this ability to have perspective in all thinks. He has it in spades.
I LOVE that man!
And so grateful again for all my good friends and mom who took charge of my day today so that I could rest.
So, ya for me, because I get to stay on schedule, but I'm not feeling as well as I have hoped going into a chemo.
Prayers would be greatly appreciated that I can stay health through this treatment.
Also thank you all for the cards, and comments you leave me.
As I lay in bed, tired sleeping, movies and mindless watching the computer, I read them and they bring me joy.
Thanks you for caring. I truly feel your strength and support.
Not only do I include you in my daily prayers, my kiddos and husband include you in our family prayers too! My kiddos don't know you, but they know you are a sweet friend to me, so the prayers keep coming from the Winegar fam! xoxo
ReplyDeleteThanks Kerri. We have to get our kids together next time we come to town. We are always at Randy's just a block away.
DeletePraying for you daily Tamee! You can do this! I have a dance stamp - "You go girl!" Next time I use it - maybe every time I use it from now on - it is for you! Much love and prayers! <3 xoxo
ReplyDelete