My Inspiration

My Inspiration

Sunday, April 27, 2014


I was in the hospital until Saturday when they released me even though I wasn't really feeling that great.  But I really wanted to go home to get Easter together for the kids, enjoy a little bit of their spring break, and organize a few thing in my house.
I know, it sounds stupid. 

It probable was, but it hard to be away so much when I was thinking about having a mastectomy that next week. 

In the past four months, I've been in this hospital 29 days, that's a month.  I love these people here at the hospital but I was all done being there.

Easter was great!  But I WAY over did working on the house and hiding Easter eggs, so on the evening of Easter Sunday I started to get sick again.  My sweet husband had to listen to me all night, up and down from the bathroom, moaning and groaning my pains. 

He repeatedly asked me, “Do you need to go to the hospital?”

Naively I would respond, “No, it’s going to pass.”
Finally at 4:00 am, (less than 48 hours after leaving the hospital) I let him take me back to the hospital.

He must have been ready because within 5 minutes, he had the kids in the car, my bag packed and we were on our way to the hospital.  He dropped me off in the ER then took the kids home and back to bed until he could get them off to school.   He's a good man!

Same drill at the hospital, drug me up to relieve pain and stop the vomiting, then put an NG tube down my nose.  Check my blood to let me know I have low potassium and a low white count.

This time to increase the fun, they filled my stomach and intestines up with barium contrast through the NG tube. Then x rayed me every hours to watch the contract dye go through my body.  For the first 6 hours it stayed in my stomach and didn't go far, then after I got up and walked around a bit, it went the rest of the way through.  This test showed them that I don’t have another blockage but I do still have an illus.    

This is Monday now and I was also doing my preops for my mastectomy the next day. 

Tuesday morning they rolled me down and started to prepare me for surgery.  Unfortunately, they had to cancel my surgery, because my white blood cell count was way too low.  My was 1.6 and the normal is 4 something.  Tears!

They rescheduled for the following Tuesday and readmitted me into the oncology wing of the hospital.

Let's just say Monday through Thursday was not pretty.  But I'll write about that later.

On Thursday, Dr. Moore, my oncologist contacted the makers of Herceptin to discuss my situation.  They explained to him that there is a 2% chance of women who are on long term Herceptin to develop “illus and struggle with low white blood cell counts”.  That’s my luck!  

Therefore, they can not operate on me for another three to four weeks!  Surgery postponed again.

More tears… a lot more tears! 

I understand though the need to postpone.  Your white blood cells are what make you heal particularly your skin.  And anastasiya shows down the bowels and that the last thing I need right now. 

So for now,  no exact date on my surgery but it will probable be the end of May.  And no more herceptin for me until after the surgery then they’ll try smaller doses.

They let me come home from the hospital on Friday, but I've been pretty much in bed the whole time.

Thanks HEAVENS for my mom.  She's an angel!   She here taking care of the kids, the house, and me.  

Thanks you for all for your card, texts, messages, phone calls, thoughts, and prayers.  It's not easy but well make through.  

Here we go again...

The first two weeks of April were really busy with a lot doctor’s appointments, kiddo activities, church stuff and just general get the home back into order, all of which makes for busy time for me arranging babysitting and carpools for the kids.

When we heard that Keith’s Aunt Pat passed away, we both knew he needed to go home for the funeral, which would leave me home with full time charge of kids and home.  I guess I wasn't up for the that much reality of my own life because the next week days didn't go well without Keith.
I had my second dose of Herceptin on Thursday while Keith was gone which didn't go as well as the first.  That night I became nausea with the weird after taste in my mouth and diarrhea.  By Saturday afternoon at the baseball field, I hit the wall, between the heat, chasing the kids, and my sickness, I started vomiting at the park, barely made it home in the car with the kids, and lost it on my sofa at home while the kids ran wild. 

Thankfully Garrett feed and got everyone to bed for me.  I love that boy.  He has really stepped up for the family during this time. 

I continued to be sick but was okay to just lie low at home, until Tuesday afternoon (the week before I was supposed to have my surgery) everything went downhill fast.   I started throwing up, and became dizzy, but the thing that took me over the edge was the severe abdominal pains. It’s like pregnancy pains but constant without any break.   It became difficult for me to breathe through the pain, so I started to hyperventilate. Soon between dehydration, low potassium, and hyperventilating, my muscles started to tease up.  My fingers, arms and legs contort and stiffen up until I can’t relax them.  Let’s just say it hurts.

Around seven Keith called 911 for a nice little ride in a chair down my stairs and a quick ride to the hospital for some relief.  This time the x-ray and ct scan showed a blockage in my small intestines.   So another NG tube down my nose and put me on the delicious liquid diet.  

In like a Lion & out like a Lamb

Here's a little catch up on the events of March.
I actually went back into the hospital again at the beginning of March for the same old stuff, abdominal pains, and vomiting that lead to passing out, and muscle stiffness from low potassium and oxygen.
They treat me with the same things every time.
Heavy IV drugs for nausea and pain, then they hook me up with some potassium and magnesium IVs and a heart monitor.  
Next comes the ever so painful NG tube down my nose to remove any and everything from my stomach, and then they put me on a liquid diet for a few days.  
Which you would think, at least I'd lose some weight through this process? Right!    
No, wrong!  Those IVs they pump into me are like Gatorade or I guess I'm hearty girl and like to retain my weight.

For the rest of March I felt good, not great, but good enough that I never found time to set down to blog.
Thanks to a good friend, Lindsey Olsen, Keith and I had a little get away into DC, which we both really need to reconnect and have fun again.
My friend, Denice organized a little birthday lunch with some good friends, which was great to feel normal and be with people that make me laugh.
I had some time to organize, rearrange and clean out the corners of my house.  Not that it helped or lasted long, but it gave me some peace of mind.
Basically was nice to just be the mom again.  I miss being able to be up and helping out with the kids and house.  I really miss being outside working in the my yard and watching my kids play.

Because my breast cancer is Her2 positive, I have to do a maintenance chemo of Herceptin every three weeks for a year.  In the middle of March I did my first one.   I had a little nausea and funny taste in my mouth but nothing compared to the previous doses with the other chemo drugs.

Here's some pictures that my ever so talented little sister Kristal Mulder took while she was out visiting in January.  I'll post more later when I learn how to down load them.  Thanks Kristal!  We love them