Moments of Faith

It was interesting Sunday at Church today was we spoke about being Mormon and being different.

A lot of people have asked me why I am handling all that is happening with what looks like to them such grace.

When I went to the doctor that very first day and he told me I might have Paget's Disease,  I called Keith right away and told him to google it.

He looked at it and said, "This isn't you. You don't have this."

And I came home that night and lay in bed. And I imagined myself dying. And I cried.

I still had so much left to do.

I am a mom of little kids - there is still a lot of life to lived - for them and for me.

And I was afraid.

The next day we went to see the specialist and Keith came with me.

But before we went to the doctor we said a prayer that we would be able to accept whatever the doctor would have to say to us. That we would have the strength to deal with it.

And in that moment of prayer and supplication to the Lord, my fear turned to faith.

And I knew that all would be well. That God would keep me and carry me.

On that second visit, when the doctor confirmed the Paget's Disease, he wanted to do an ultrasound to look for a tumor.

As I lay there and he did the ultrasound, I could clearly see the tumor. It was a large, egg shaped mass and it was as clear to me as any ultrasound I had had for my babies.

And I had a moment of clarity, of profound gratitude that I knew that thing was in me and that I was living in a place and at a time where it could be dealt with and after which I could live the life I was meant to live.

These moments of faith are in my heart on every step of this journey and it helps me to not be afraid.

And while I still ache for what is to come. And the trials that my family and I have to endure.

Honestly, I would rather not go through this at all, but if I endure it in the arms of the Lord, what more could I ask for?