I'm Am So Much a Martha

Today we spent a lot of time asking, "WHY?"

Why me?

Why did I get breast cancer when I have spent the last 9 years nursing babies? Doesn't that really lower your risk? I wrecked my poor boobs with all that nursing and this still happened?

I'm 42. I'm just too young! Seriously, have you seen me? I'm young.

I'm healthy. I am going back to the gym. I'm eating salad like it's going out of style. I should have had a few more cheeseburgers if this was going to happen anyway.

I have no family history of this. Really, us Hatch women are a hardy lot.

Why now? Keith is the Bishop. We are away from family. Haven't we been giving all that we can give? Now you want my boobs too?

Hasn't my poor body been though enough ? Haven't I sacrificed enough just to bring all these little people to this earth? Seriously...5 kids under 10. I'm doing my part.

Don't all these questions seem pointless and silly and slightly selfish?

But I can't stop thinking about it and wondering why.

Well, thank goodness for family.

Keith's brother, Randall, send us a link to a Conference talk, about how God helps us turn our weaknesses into strengths.

After spending the day talking about why, and then reading this Conference talk, we decided we needed to go to the temple.

We talked about how we are given trials in this life that hone in on our weaknesses, so that we can turn them into strengths, and ultimately, become more like our Heavenly Father.

It made me think about my own weaknesses and my own strengths. And let's be honest, for me, it's all about my weaknesses.

So, with these thoughts in my head, while I was at the temple I saw a painting of Martha and Mary. And I realized that I am very much a Martha.

I am a doer. I can't sit. I can't wait. I need to get things done.

The things of this world press upon me and I have to make sure that I am doing my part.

I often feel like I can work my to heaven, and of course, that's not exactly how it works.

Because, even if I do all that I can I will fall short. I require Jesus Christ to make up the difference between what I can do and what is truly required. Justice says I alone am not enough.

But thank goodness for mercy and grace - which make up for all of my shortcomings.

And I know that my weakness is that I have trouble being like Mary.

Sitting. Absorbing. Allowing others to serve me and show me grace and mercy.

I can honestly tell you right now, this cancer isn't going to kill me - but learning how to be still, and embrace mercy and accept service from others just might.

Attending the temple was a huge blessing and we felt such a sense of peace. It was wonderful.

After coming home Keith sent an email to ward letting them know about my diagnosis and directing them here for more information.