Dealing With It

Isn't it interesting how everyone deals with tragedy?

Keith...the more information better. The knowledge he gains each day helps him feel like we are moving in the right direction and doing the right thing.

Garrett. He's the funny one. I don't know where he gets that from. Whenever it gets difficult or uncomfortable he cracks a joke. Keith doesn't know what to make of it. Unfortunately for Garrett, he keeps hearing about all these people who died from cancer and he is worried that I might die too. I often reassure him that everything is going to be okay.

Kendall is forever writing me notes. She keeps drawing pictures of her and me holding hands. All the drawings have broken hearts and the sweetest words. The one she gave me today said, "I know the breast cancer will go away."

Taryn is our oversharer. Again. I don't know where that comes from. She tells everyone she sees, "My mom has breast cancer." The neighbors know. Perfect strangers know. 

Alina. She knows something is wrong, but it expresses itself in neediness and naughtiness. Last night she painted my bedspread, herself and her brother in orange nail polish. As I am typing this, she poked her straw through my coke cup and it spilled onto the floor. Sweet girl.

Landon doesn't really understand. He's still sweet as ever, although maybe he hugs a little longer and tighter than before.

Me. I mostly just want to forget about it. More information doesn't help. 

I have to admit that I am at the point in my journey where I hope the next doctor is going to tell me they made a mistake. That I don't really have cancer. That they got my results mixed up with someone else's. 

I know that isn't going to happen and mostly, I just want to do what the doctors tell me to do and get to the end. 

It's that patience thing again. I'm already ready for this to be over.