Hair or No Hair

Today we had a head shaving party. (Yes, we even served ice cream.)

It had to be done.

I was losing hair by the handful, and it was everywhere.

The worst part of it was the "hair aches."

It turns out, on top of everything else, that it hurts when your hair follicle dies and the heavy hair is just left hanging on.

I did a good job keeping it together while we were shaving. Garrett was happy to claim sweet justice and took the clippers to my head.

It's not everyday a boy gets to shave his mother bald.

A dear friend helped even it out and my sister brought a pink wig.

But, when everyone was asleep, I went into the bathroom and stared at myself and cried.

I cried until I turned into a puddle, curled up on the floor, and cried some more.

After giving myself some time to let it sink in, I told myself I needed to come to a good place with this.

I have three little girls who feed off my emotions and reactions. This is my reality - my chance to grow and to learn.

So, this is what I've come to.

I've got a good smile and dimples.  I'll play them up to distract people from my salt and pepper buzz cut. 

I'm tall .There are few, especially the little ones in my house, who can even see the top of my head. 

It's a sad little list isn't it?

So I made myself dig a little deeper.

I've got a great sense of humor. I get it from my Dad. What a blessing it's been to see the humor in this.

I am a fairly confident person. I credit this to my mother. As a kid, she had me in dance, piano and every sport and school activity she could get me to try.

At home she taught me to sew, quilt, cook and encouraged every talent I ever wanted.

She minimized the pain of my weakness and encouraged my strength.

Now that I am a mother, I know how much she served and sacrificed for me.

Really this is the best you can come up with?  Come on Tamee, you can dig a little deeper than this.

I am a determined, hard working, successful adult. I served a mission, earned college degrees, traveled the world, taught school and now I'm a pretty good mother to five pretty great kids.

There is so much more to me than this disease.

"For the Lords seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh upon the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart."  1 Sam. 16:7

I am a child of God.  I know this through pray and study of the gospel of Jesus Christ and his scriptures.  I know that he has a plan of happiness for me.  And this experience is part of that plan. 

Our strength as children of God is measured by the strength of our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and our trust in His pure love and infinite atonement. 

Recently I was talking with a friend who is a little farther a long in this breast cancer journey.  I said to her, "It just doesn't seem fair to lose your hair and your breasts.  Those are the two things that we most often associate with femininity?"

A wise man at the table with us politely said, "I have to disagree.  Those may be the things that the world thinks of as feminine, but we know that to be a women is to be so much more.  It is your innate ability to nurture, and care, to show selfless love, to use kind words and to express wisdom. You have the ability to inspire others and  to feel and show compassion."

I now realize how true this is.  I have divine traits that my Heavenly Father gave me.

Through my life experience I have cultivated and developed these traits that make me a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother and women.

Nothing, not even cancer can take that from me.  I have family and friends that love me.  Children that adore me.  A good husband that treasures me.  And I know am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me.

Hair or no hair.