It Isn't Pretty

Everyone keeps asking me what's chemo like.

And I think to myself, every single time someone asks, do you really want to know?

Because, if i'm honest, it isn't pretty.

Chemo is like being pregnant and having the flu at the same time, but worse.

The day of the treatment I felt fine. But, the day after the treatment I started to feel sick. Nauseous. Headache. Aches. Chills. Shakes.

And the third and fourth days were dark. Very dark.

And I keep thinking to myself, I'm going to do this at least five more times. Really?

Now that I'm a week out from the chemo, I'm starting to feel like a human being again.

I've made a list of foods that I can handle: tomato soup, hot tamales, white bread.
And things I never ever want to eat again: meat, peppermint, and pretty much any vegetable.

I've also made a list of things to do next time.
Start taking imodium before I even start the treatment. Take tylenol every four hours without fail.
Don't shower unless I'm prepared for a horrendous case of the shakes.

So, what's chemo like?

It sucks. BIG TIME.

But, I continue to be uplifted and I'm desperately trying to focus on the good things.

And I remind myself often that I am lucky. I have a very treatable kind of cancer.

I have all the love and support that I could ever need.
I have family who is laying aside their own lives to come and pick up mine.

And I have faith to keep me going, even when I am not entirely certain that I can.