I am stronger than cancer...

During one of my past stays in the hospital I went through a change of thought or maybe a better understanding.

I've never really thought of myself as "fighting" cancer.
Maybe because its not really in my nature to be aggressive, violent or angry toward anything.
I don't like conflict.
Ask anyone who has ever been to a violent or even action filled movie with me, I'm a mess because it makes me really uncomfortable and I can't watch.
Also I don't think of myself as being a strong person, who could fight a real battle.

But what I've learned is that when someone is struggling with anything, they fight it on three fronts, physical, spiritual, and mental.

I have a good friend, Jen Roper, who is my age, and has 5 small children that are almost the same ages as mine.  She lost her mother to breast cancer at a young age, and has been fighting off brain cancer for the past two years.  And winning..
She's so strong physically.  She's changed all her eating habits, and runs races every other month.
She's a spiritual giant.  Through all her trials, she has faith and understanding that God loves and has a plan for her and her sweet little family.
But what always amazes me is her mental confidence and determination.  She ends most of her posts with "I AM STRONGER THAN CANCER".  And doggone it, she is.  She just got another clear MRI.
I admire her strength on all fronts, and strive to be courageous like her, even though my battle is nothing in comparison to hers.
Ever need to be inspired read her blog www.theroperfam.blogspot.com

During my last stay in my hospital, I had a moment when this way of thinking all changed.
After six months of sickness, for some reason this one day was the last straw.
I started the day from a dead sleep, throwing up with no relief even with intense IV medicine, the pain and vomiting would not cess.
As the day continued the throwing up was accompanied by diarrhea.  At one point I was in the bathroom with a mess everywhere, I broke down into tears.
One of my favorite nurses at the hospital, Jackie (who is 7 months pregnant with her first baby) stood next to me, trying to help and comfort me, and it hit me.
I HATE CANCER!
If it was a thing or a person, and in the room at that moment, I would use all the strength left in me to beat the crap out of it.
An even though I feel weak physically now, I can and am stronger spiritually and mentally.
I am stronger than cancer and all the other side effects that have come with fighting cancer.

I hate what fighting cancer has detained me from doing, which is caring for my kids, husband, home, family and friends.  
But it has forced me and my family to see things in a new light and appreciate the little things.

A few months ago I was frustrated and complaining about how little I've been able to do to help out with the care and school work of my own children.
A good wise friend, sent me a text to remind me that I've been teaching them more important lessons about life.
I can do hard things.
And doing hard things forces me to grow.

Post op results

The surgery/procedure I had done on Monday, May 5th went well.
Using a little camera they were able to find a spot on my intestines kinda is like a blood blister, that was causing the illius.  So they cut out about an inch of my intestines, stapled it back together and also stitched close the mesentery section of my abdomen around the intestines.
Not much of that makes sense to me but from the pictures and the information we have received this will be the fix to my problems.
Now if I could just heal.
I was released from the hospital last Friday, May 9th.
Honestly I'm just not healing as fast as they had hoped, but my immune system isn't great.
If I'm not on pretty strong pain medicine, I have sharp pain in my side at the incision which makes it hard to get around.
At my post op appointment yesterday, they did a cat scan that showed that everything looks good inside me.  My intestines are a little swollen right below where the staples are, but that's to be expected.  The staples can take 60 days to dissolve but I shouldn't have pain for the that long.
Thankfully my bowls are working fine and my nausea is getting better.
I'm trying to lay low and heal.  Hoping and praying that I can still get my mastectomy next week.  I ready to get on the other side of this process.

Getting to the "Bottom" of it!

Never guess where I am? 

That’s right, Prince William County Hospital!

I’d been home for almost a week, but I was still vomiting at home if I ate solid food.  With the new medicines they gave me, I was able to keep it under control until Saturday evening when I started vomiting and could not make myself stop.  By 2:00 a.m. I knew I needed help to make it stop, but hated to wake up Keith and the kids, and even worse was to ride in an ambulance.  Something had to be done.

Once again, Keith was a trooper. He loaded the kids in car, grabbed my bag, me, my trash can and we were off to the ER in no time at all.

My Uncle John once said that when he and my Aunt Claudette were going through her cancer experience together, they would go to bed wondering if this was going to be the night they end up in the hospital or what would happen next. She had to be hospitalized 9 times. Gratefully she passed way lying right beside him.  There is strength and comfort in having those whom we love near during times of suffering. 

Keith and I have felt this same anxiety and worry every night.  Cancer is difficult for the one who has it, but I truly believe there is an equally great ache and pain to watch the one you love suffer through this awful disease.

In the ER, they were very quick this time to get my port accessed and started me on pain and anti nausea medicine.  Unfortunately, every time I threw up, I also had diarrhea. I was a MESS!

They took a CAT scan that showed a blockage in the same place as always.  They have decided to take a different approach this time.  Dr. Harrison, a surgeon, is going to go into my abdomen laparoscopically with a camera and some tools to look around.  They are hoping to find scar tissue or a blockage in the intestines that they can fix to solve my bowel problems.  We haven’t had much time to think about this but I do feel like this is the right course of action.  We’ve tried everything else and I can’t stay throwing up every other day.  This is no way to live. 

My surgery is today, Monday, May 5 at 3:00 p.m.  We would greatly appreciate your prayers for me and my surgeon during this time.